Contemporary Retirement

...Like a fine wine, life and love can become more wonderful because of, not in spite of, aging.

Recently, I met a woman with an interesting story. It seems that she and her husband have been separated for many years. They went through almost all of the steps of divorce: filing the petition, discovery, mediation, the trial, receipt of the final divorce decree, and signing.

There’s only one remaining step to make the divorce final -- to take the signed documents to the judge who will pronounce the divorce final in open court. The interesting thing is that she’s held on to these documents for 2 ½ years! She and her husband have lived in limbo for all that time.

As she told me this story she sorted out the reasons for not completing her divorce, which included the security she felt by still being connected to someone, the ability to rely on her husband in a pinch, along with half a dozen other reasons. However, the main reason she has dragged her feet for so long is that she’s 59 and fearful about re-entering the dating/mating scene.

“I’m just too old! And I don’t know anything about dating anymore. It’s just been too long! Everything has changed!” She was nearly in tears as she related this to me. She was talking to the right person because I have been in her position. When I was widowed at 52, I felt I had little chance of ever being in a relationship again. For the next 6 years, I didn’t date at all.

Then, at 58, I was inspired by a friend (also a widow) who had found a new relationship. I began to date, tentatively at first, but I soon fell deeply in love. While this relationship didn’t work out in the long run (thank goodness!), it was the beginning of a new life for me.

In my experiences I’ve identified 5 deadly myths about being of a mature age and starting over:

Myth #1: It just can’t happen

No matter what images the media projects and in spite of statements like, “A woman over 50 is as likely to marry again as to be hit by lightning,” it’s not true that a life of love and intimacy is only for the young and the beautiful. All it takes is one person, and using the laws of attraction, to draw that person to you.

Myth #2: I don’t know enough

Sure, the dating scene has changed since you were a teen, but the people you’re likely to date, people of similar age, were born and raised in your era. This means they learned to date for the first time when you did. They’ll have the same understanding of how to date and relate as you do.

Consider that most of your potential dates will be just as nervous as you are. If you focus on putting your date at ease, you’ll feel more comfortable yourself, and you’ll make a better impression.

Myth #3: I’m too old to start over again

In spite of the tired cliché, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” you can learn all you need to know about dating right now. Consider that you probably learned how to date when you were 16, and now, you have considerably more life experience than you did then. If you recall, you are probably just as nervous now as you were as a teenager. Your maturity and life experiences will help you to learn all you need to know—and very quickly.

Myth #4: I will just get my heart broken

Actually, I can’t promise that this won’t happen, but I can promise you will recover, and you will learn from the experience. Life is risky, and when we put ourselves out there with the intent to love, we are vulnerable.

When I recall the relationship I had at 58, the one that broke my heart, my memories are wonderful. I loved feeling alive, sexy, and young. I rely every day on the lessons I learned from that experience. Did I think I might die after we broke up? Absolutely! Did I wish that it had never happened? Not for a minute! Since that time, I have continued to have other wonderful relationships that have greatly enriched my life.

Myth #5: Love, now, could never be as sweet as it once was

One thing that amazed me when I fell in love at 58 was that I felt like I was 16 again. I was just as nervous, just as eager, just as giddy. The love we shared was just as sweet, just as exciting, and just as fulfilling. Humans never get too old to feel that zing! And the sex, even with our aging bodies, can actually be far better, far more fulfilling than when we were young.

Like a fine wine, life and love can become more wonderful because of, not in spite of, aging. There is a dessert wine known as late harvest wine. This wine is created from select grapes left to hang on the vine late into the season. The grapes are affected by botrytis, the “noble rot,” that causes them to become dry and shriveled on the vine, and therefore highly concentrated with sugar.

When harvested by hand, pressed, and fermented, these grapes produce a sweet, luscious, honeyed, nectar-like wine. Love, later in life, can be just like that late harvest. It’s never too late for love, and it’s worth the risk. So go for life. Go for love. Drink deep from that sweet, luscious, honeyed, nectar-like cup!

Copyright ©2006 Sandra Rohr

Sandra Rohr, M.A. is a certified Life Purpose Coach and relationship coach, who specializes in helping singles to connect with their life partners and couples to establish and maintain strong relationships. Hear Sandy’s workshop on How to Be Irresistibly Attractive to the Opposite Sex at www.YourPersonalLoveCoach.com Sandy@YourPersonalLoveCoach.com 714.774.8540

posted by Annie Harrison  # 9:23 AM